Jigsaw Pieces

I have recently been lamenting how hard it is to live in the DC metro area. The rent is too high, the people live too far away, and any relationships that have the potential to start are limited by geography before they even get off the ground.

I compare the world that I am currently inhabiting to the several past worlds that I have occupied, and find that in addition to the general challenges of adulthood faced by 20somethings everywhere, DC adds the further challenges of the worst traffic in the United States and some seriously overworked people. Fitting together the scrambled pieces of adulthood – living on my own, juggling schedules, paying bills, having friends get married and have children, dealing with an employer – is an ongoing challenge that I think I may always be working towards. I’m just not sure that living in DC is helping those pieces form a coherent system.

Although I do not think I’m alone in this challenge, I hadn’t begun to realize that most of DC feels this way. It’s hard to make friends. Its hard to be Known.

This article appeared in the Post this week, and although it only confirmed what I already felt about the challenges of DC, it was somehow comforting to know that I am not alone. Not really.

“Gone are the [college] days when friends are an elevator ride away, dinner plans are made on the way to somebody’s hall, and Thursday is Friday or Friday is Thursday (who cares, you’ll figure it out in Philosophy C203),” Andrews writes. “Soon enough, the little old lady living in a shoe is you — and the rent is effin’ unbelievable, and nobody comes to visit because you’re too far from the Metro. Adulthood comes in little jigsaw pieces. Once the painstaking work of fitting them all together is done, the picture doesn’t look nearly as cool as it did on the box.”

I’m going back to the midwest ‘burbs for Christmas. I’m hoping for some perspective and a reminder that fitting the pieces together is just simply hard.

Christmas Literacy

As we begin this advent season, I have been surprised by the lack of Christmas literacy among my friends and coworkers. To help combat this problem, I am providing a basic list of Christmas words, films, books, and knowledge that I think all people should have. This is in no way a comprehensive list, but rather one that came to me during my morning commute.

Seasons and Days

Advent. This is the season that begins four Sundays before Christmas. All those who grew up at BPC knows that Advent means “He’s coming!” (who is coming?) “Jesus!”. It is a season of preparation and anticipation of the coming Messiah. December, and often parts of late November are not “the holiday season” or even “the Christmas season”, but rather, “the season of Advent” which culminates in Christmas.

Christmas day. Right. So you probably know this one. This is the day that we celebrate the birth of Christ. However, Christ was very likely not born on December 25. Back in the day, Pope Julius decided to make Christmas a permanent holiday (rather than a moving feast) and settled on December 25. This coincided with the pagan Winter Solstice, and most think that this day was chosen so that the Christian holiday would replace the pagan one.

The Twelve Days of Christmas. In spite of the common misperception that these are the 12 days leading up to Christmas, they are in fact the 12 days following Christmas. According to the Church calendar, there are 12 days between Christmas day and the beginning of Epiphany, typically the longest season of the Church, leading up to Easter. Epiphany begins on January 6, and is often used to celebrate the day that the Wise Men came with their gifts to Jesus. January 5th is referred to as the “twelfth night”. Shakespeare’s comedy by the same name was likely written as entertainment for this last day of the Christmas celebrations. For those who are wondering, the 12 gifts listed in the popular song are: 1 partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 french hens, 4 calling birds, 5 golden rings, 6 geese (a-laying) 7 swans (a-swimming), 8 maids (a-milking) 9 ladies (dancing) 10 lords (a-leaping), 11 pipers (piping) and 12 drummers (drumming).

Books

Dear Virginia. Okay. Not a book. This is a reference to an editorial written in the New York Sun in 1897 in response to 8-year old Virginia O’Hanlon’s letter to the editor asking if Santa was real. You can read the whole editorial here, but memorable lines from this include:

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. It would be as dreary as if there were no VIRGINIAS.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

This editorial is also referenced in many films, including Prancer and Miracle on 34th Street.

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas. This is a poem written by Clement C. Moore and published in 1823. Among other things, this poem is credited with establishing a common idea for what Santa Claus looks like (droll little mouth, little round belly, beard on his chin as white as the snow, etc). The names of Santa’s eight reindeer also seem to receive their origins from this poem: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen.

A Christmas Carol. Oh Dickens. So great. There are nearly too many Christmas references from this book to name. To start with, it has been turned into dozens of different film adaptation, ranging from the very literal to more fanciful interpretations. Some notable characters include: Ebenezer Scrooge, the protagonist of the story who is a stingy old man until he is visited by 3 spirits representing the past, present and future, and is given a chance to continue his life on a different course. Tiny Tim, the sick son of Scrooge’s employee who is a source of inspiration throughout the book. Mr. Fezziwig, the jovial first employer of Scrooge who loves Christmas and throws a huge party every year; Sam Adams has currently named a Christmas ale after him (good stuff).

How The Grinch Stole Christmas. A short book written by Dr. Seuss that has also been turned into numerous films. The Grinch is a horrible man (creature) who steals all the presents from the homes in Whoville, until he hears the residents of Whoville singing. He thinks for a while until he realizes:

“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store.”
“Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”
And what happened then? Well…in Whoville they say,
That the Grinch’s small heart Grew three sizes that day!

Films

It’s a Wonderful Life. Staring Jimmy Stewart as George Bailey, this story follows the life of George Bailey who, as an adult, feels like his life was a failure and, with the help of an angel named Clarence, has a chance to see what his world would be like if he had never been born. He realizes that he really has “had a wonderful life!” and returns to his family and friends a changed man. Some things to know about the film: Sesame Street got the names “Bert and Ernie” from the policeman and cab driver in this film. The expression “every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings” comes from this film. Also, my father does a fantastic impression of Nick, the bartender during part of this film. You should ask to hear it.

Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer. This 1964 stop-motion film is a classic in my household. You should know that the snowman in this film is narrated by Burl Ives, and the snowman in Elf is a reference to this.

Miracle on 34th Street. This film actually centers around the Macy’s annual Thanksgiving Day Parade, which traditionally ends with Santa Claus. The miracle is that the Macy’s Santa is declared to be the real Santa, restoring people’s Christmas spirit.

White Christmas. The song White Christmas actually originated in the film “Holiday Inn”. The two films both star Bing Crosby, and he sings this song in both films.

So again, not a comprehensive list. Please feel free to add your own Christmas facts that will help raise Christmas literacy. And enjoy this advent season! Maybe get off the computer and write some Christmas cards, or decorate your tree, or have people over and watch any of these films, or snuggle up with your favorite winter beverage and brush up on the books listed. Or just rest. Advent is good for that, too.

Home.

home.

The word means so many different things. Home is a sense of place; of familiarity and of belonging. I lived in the same town until I left for college. Nursery school, kindergarten, rec soccer, elementary school, ballet class, girl scouts, middle school, basketball, volleyball, piano lessons, confirmation, high school, marching band, young life, youth group; all lived within the same 7×3 mile town. Home is a place called Bay Village with families and Huntington beach and bay days and community prom pictures. I know this town. I know its streets and its culture and its secrets. But this town knows me. It shaped the first 18 years of my life and continues to affect me when I least expect it.

My parents have lived in the same house for the last 20 years. When I’m coming home, I’m returning to the past 20 years. A look around my bedroom reveals the child that once lived there and the woman who has returned. A doll in the closet, photos on the wall, a scribbled note passed in science class, dried corsages, college textbooks weave together to tell a still incomplete story of the girl who once danced and laughed and cried and lived within these four walls.

Stepping back into this place is a returning; a moving through all of the layers that have aligned to form my being. I feel a bit like Dorothy, leaving Oz and returning to Kansas. I leave behind the technicolor world of DC with its flashing lights and new adventures to return to the black-and-white heartland, known and home.

Tis the Season

And one little facebook status change ushered in the second wave of engagements among my friends. I think this season may be longer than the last one…

 

Wild Thing

It is no secret that my family are huge fans of children’s literature. These books are routinely exchanged as gifts, still read aloud  at family functions, and discussed around the dinner table.

We are correspondingly skeptical of film adaptations of our beloved books. So I was cautiously optimistic as I approached the new Where the Wild Things Are film.

The book is now nearly a half-century old. It contains just 10 sentences and glorious illustrations. A tough battle for a screenwriter.

To be fair, the film took some liberties. For example, I was not expecting the Wild Things to speak. I’m not sure why. In the book, it seemed like Max understood them simply because they were both “wild”. Language wasn’t necessary. But, it’s hard to make a silent movie popular these days, so the Wild Things had voices. I will allow it.

I was also not expecting the film to handle issues deeper than the surface of the book. But here, I was pleasantly surprised. It is subtle, but throughout the film, the characters grapple with the idea of fatherlessness, broken homes, and ones we love leaving us. I was struck again, by the film’s treatment of the subject, how impactful fathers are in the lives of young boys. Boys are supposed to be wild. They need men to encourage them in this in healthy, productive way; not stifling it and creating a society of empty, well-behaved men.

Go see the film with thoughtful people. Go to a coffee shop afterwards and talk honestly about your impressions of the film. Then, call me and tell me about them.

I would also recommend this article by RELEVANT magazine. It’s a thoughtful review of some of the more nuanced themes in the book.

Red.

Oh Macy’s. How I love hate you.

We used to be friends. You were like the cool stylish girl who was slightly more fashionable than me, but close enough to be a legitimate inspiration, if only i had a bit more money. Clearly we were on the same page on this, as evidenced by your thought that I wanted to put a $14,900 credit on my account. Brilliant.

Who knew that a simple $151.19 bill could turn into such a disaster? I mean, it was just two extra zeros. Just two. And a whole lot of red in my checking account.

Bank of America also gets a special shout out for thinking that spending $15,000 at Macy’s is in keeping with my credit history. Well done team. I salute you.

Six phone calls, 3 e-mails, 1 piece of mail and a full week later, it appears that my checking account has been restored to it’s normal meager (but black) amount and Macy’s has repented by allowing me to pay them what I actually owe, instead of more money than I’ve seen in my life.

Hopefully I’ll forgive you by Thanksgiving. I’d hate to rain on your parade.

Thanks for all who have tolerated my lack of cash and refrained from making fun of me for charging $3.50 for a cup of coffee. You are true friends.

day.dreamer.

All people dream, but not equally.

Those who dream by night,

in the dusty recesses of their minds,

wake in the day to find that it was vanity.

But the dreamers of the day are dangerous,

for they may act their dreams with open eyes

to make it possible.

T.E. Lawrence, The Seven Pillars of Wisdom

A Devoted Fan’s Agony

My father is a huge Buffalo Bills fan.  A lifetime Buffalo Bills fan. For those of you who have been lifetime fans of other teams, like the Red Sox, or the Patriots, you will have no comprehension of what his fanhood really means. The Buffalo Bills have been disappointing my father for almost my whole life. And yet he continues to passionately support them, even hosting a Monday night football party for nearly every man in my town when the Bills play.

The following is an excerpt from an e-mail he sent out following last night’s defeat to the Patriots. I leave it here because 1. it is good writing; 2. as much as my father loves the Buffalo Bills, he loves other things, like his family, much more, and this e-mail gives you a glimpse into what that must means; 3. it made me smile.

Last night was a perfect example of a team snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.  Ah, but for us long time Bills fans, this is nothing new.  I have been following my hometown Bills since the early 1960s (Jack Kemp & Cookie Gilchrest era) and recall the joy in our household when they won the AFL Championships in 1964 and 1965.  The dark years of the 1970s included 20 consecutive losses to the hated Miami Dolphins – a decade of futility that still ranks as the longest professional losing streak to one team.  Many of those games were reminiscent of last night:  Buffalo would be leading the Fish, but a late turnover shifted momentum and Miami would prevail.  Bills would be driving for a go ahead FG, and a holding call would push them out of range.  And then there was their loss to Tennessee in the Titans’ MUSIC CITY MIRACLE, a January 2000 wild card playoff game (Doug Flutie era in Buffalo but Rob Johnson was starting QB that day) when Bills hit late FG to lead 16-15 with less than half a minute remaining.  On ensuing kickoff Titans lateraled ball across width of field (to this day I still think it looks like a forward lateral!) and Kevin Dyson ran untouched 75 yards for the winning score.  Last night some of you were gracious in your comments on the Bills’ 4 successive Super Bowl appearances, but who can ever forget (forgive?) Frank Norwood’s WIDE RIGHT from 47 yards in Super Bowl XXV in January 1991, giving the Giants the win, propelling Bill Belichik to the top of the Cleveland Browns’ coaching wish list and propelling the Browns’ exit from Cleveland several years later (see? If Norwood had MADE the kick, all of Buffalo would have been ecstatic for the next 50 years, the Browns would have picked a DIFFERENT coach, Art Modell would have had more success at the gate and the Browns would never have left town in the first place!!)?

glorious debris

Every one of us is called upon, probably many times, to start a new life. A frightening diagnosis, a marriage, a move, loss of a job…And onward full tilt we go, pitched and wrecked and absurdly resolute, driven in spite of everything to make good on a new shore. To be hopeful, to embrace one possibility after another – that is surely the basic instinct….Crying out: High tide! Time to move out into the glorious debris. Time to take this life for what it is.”

-Barbara Kingsolver, High Tide in Tucson

I don’t like change. I avoid it until, at the last possible second, it embraces me and there is no turning back.

This is going to be a new year. Perhaps better, perhaps worse. I imagine that only time will tell. But it will be different. New.

So I am pressing onward into the “glorious debris”, unsure of what I will find, but determined nevertheless, that the only path to follow is the one right ahead of me.

Well That’s a Change

Really?! I mean, really?!

That was my reaction to this article.

Apparently, the Lutheran church has decided that sex outside of marriage is really fine, after all. In a decision that dramatically if not completely reverses the church’s prior stance on sexuality, the convention ruled that sex is an appropriate expression in relationships that are ”loving,” “life-giving,” “fulfilling,” “nurturing,” and “committed.” They removed the language which previously advises that relationships were “best served through binding commitment, legal protections, and the public accountability of marriage.”

Interestingly, during the time of the vote on Wednesday, a tornado struck the area, knocking the cross off the steeple of Central Lutheran Church, just across the street from the convention center.