Too Much

I have this recurring fear that I am Too Much: Too Much for people, for situations, for a job, for the Church. When this fear comes to the surface, the fear is crippling paralyzing. The fear creeps up when I’m excited and someone says “whoa – calm down” or if I’m passionate and someone’s eyes glaze over or if I’m enthusiastic and others dismiss me. I stop. I grow silent and rigid and feed myself a steady monologue of judgment.

But lately, I’ve been thinking that perhaps Too Much isn’t a monster, but a good thing that happens to scare people. What do you think?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically …liberates others.”
—from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson

“If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desire, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
—from The Weight of Glory, by C.S. Lewis


4 thoughts on “Too Much

  1. Dear sis,
    Boooo on fear. [please insert lyrics to the “higher, higher/lower, lower” song from Lig here, complete with motions and stomping.] Your enthusiasm and passion are some of the things I love most about you!! I think the occasional negative or surprised response is because this is a unique and needed character trait of yours – something that people aren’t used to seeing in an often pessimistic and apathetic culture. Plus, it’s a challenge to others to respond in the same way, and I think that’s a sensitive point. I know I on occasion have been guilty of trying to stamp down other people’s enthusiam because it’s often inspiring me to something risky or scary – forging ahead into the unknown, taking chances, making people uncomfortable, voicing and forming opinions that may be challenged, confronting insecurities. That’s big stuff. But – all those things I just listed are often, if not always, good and necessary and I agree with Marianne, that by challenging and inspiring others you are giving others (plus me) permission to do the same. 🙂

  2. I think you are perfect just the way you are! That sounds like a terribly horrible cliche…but it can’t be cliche if you really mean it, and I really mean it! It’s easy to always be your own harshest critic, but know that when you think you are being too much, you are just being who God created you to be – and there is no way that can me too much. You are the most genuine and authentic person I know in this crazy area and I will ALWAYS be grateful for your ability to fully be yourself and who God created you to be. When people seem overwhelmed, maybe it is only because they don’t know how to react to someone who is so truly herself. It is sad that people are afraid to be who they are so much of the time, but you are such a great light to this world where we are all trying to be something we aren’t. I hope you know that your freedom to be yourself gives others freedom to be themselves as well. Oh man, I just love you!

  3. Pingback: Joy’s Thief « My Postage Stamp

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