Dear DC Residents and staff,
I was hoping that after last year’s excessive snowfall, you would have learned a few things about winter weather. My commute this morning seemed to suggest otherwise. I offer you, free of charge, some suggestions that may make getting around this winter easier for all of us:
1. A leaf blower is not an appropriate substitute for a snow shovel. It is, however, an excellent way to make me chuckle while driving past your house.
2. Although Crocs may have the appearance of being waterproof, they should not be used as snow boots. People: they have a sling back and are full of holes. Try again.
3. Attempting to use a small ice-scraper to remove more than an inch of snow from all sides of your vehicle will only leave you frustrated and the cars that are forced to drive behind you angry as yet another gust of snow hits them as it careens off your roof. Please invest in a snow brush or move further south.
4. Excessively salting the roads, while preventing ice from building up on the streets for the next decade, will do very little when it begins to snow. Please lower the “plow” part of your truck and remove the snow, rather than attempting to melt it with 3 tons of salt. My car is supposed to be black, and I would prefer it return that way, rather than the grayish color currently settling in for a long winter’s nap.
With great hope for our future together,